you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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