Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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