and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
