Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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