Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
