Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
