By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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