It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
