oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
