Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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