I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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