the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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