i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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