Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
