Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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