You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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