I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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