no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
