He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
