Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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