There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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