What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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