you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
