Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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