she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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