Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
