I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
