I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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