She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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