Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
