She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
