Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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