recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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