I skipped work to stalk him.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
