Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
