You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
