remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
