We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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