Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
