Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Operation Purity has been aborted
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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