dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
