Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
