i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
