Already got asked if we're dating
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just googled if crying burns calories
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
