Umm I'm too high to move.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
