I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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