All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize