He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
