Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
