just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
