I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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