if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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