Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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