his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
