I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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