Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
