uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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