just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize