Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
