the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You ate ashes out of my bong
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
