mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had sex on a roof
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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