My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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