Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
