Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My cat gives me a boner
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
