she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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