Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
