he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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