so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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