I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my poor anus
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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