No stitches, just platelets and will power
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
