And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
