Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
