Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
