dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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