During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
