I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
