I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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