I hate your face
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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