"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
