hotel room ftw
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this will be a night to untag.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
