I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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