please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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