The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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