is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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