In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
