happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
