I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
