I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize